Tonight

After keeping all the stress and problems to myself. Today i finally cried infront of him. But things get worst is that he doesnt agree on what is bothering me. Yet, he claimed that im not considerate / understanding (he's asking why cant i be more mature & know how to think). After listening to his words it makes me feel even depress & i cant stop myself from crying. To the extend that i could hardly breath. When he first saw me cry he did ask me gently why am i crying. But he got so annoyed when i repeated a few times "im okay". His reaction seriously makes me feel heartbroken as if he dont really care about my feeling. I keep on asking myself am i wrong? I shouldnt have cry infront of him & makes him got so uneasy. Rather than just feeling helpless, i also felt guilty. Guilty on creating problems to him & causing him mentally discomfort. But still, the problems kept on arousing me. I cant make myself stop thinking. How useless i am to him. How disregard am i to him. Do he really appreciates me? Do he still love me? Does all things around him are more important than me? I just dont know & i couldnt get any reply from him. Now that i regret i cried infront of him that makes me feel so cheap. I was once wondering what would he feel when he saw me crying. I assume that he would feel annoy & fed up. Cause i dont feel any care, worry & love from him. I doubt that he never cheat on me, like seriously with his networking I could hardly believe. Not that i dont trust him but i no longer feel affection of love from him, not that strong to be precise. Now that he have went home, through his text again i dont feel his concern or care. He did not even try to make things better & this is where he makes my heart feel colder. I tried to approach him several times by texting him first, but what i get in return is plain cold text. Like he doesnt even bothering to reply me. I dont know what is he thinking & i felt really tired by guessing whats on his mind. As i conclude, things & situation got worst after i cried & he show no sympathy nor care. Im fed up once again. Ive decided not to find him until the day he is aware that im not around & i would still take a guess how long does it takes but i promise i wont take my first step anymore. Thats it!

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