JACKLYN ♥ ORIGIN~

At the end, i sacrify myself.  But i really cant stand all this pain anymore. How can i really share with?? Im very very tired already! I cant continue this anymore! Im being so fake and sacarstic!  I just hate myself being like this! Why is it always me?! Why am always the one who please everyone?! Why should have to understand him? Then who would understand and care about my feeling? Why am i so dumb?! Why should i sacrify my emotion just to save my relationship?  Can i just give up? Why always me? Why cant he listen to me and understand my feeling? I really want to shout out loud now! I feel like wanna explode now!!!! I wanna give up so badly!

I know this is very important in every single relationship.  Im trying now, i dunno whether i can make it. I swear i will try.  But my heart dont feel good at all. Crying for day and night just because of this. I seriously got so tired! I wish to have a break. Im such a failure, not good in multitasking. Pressure from every where.  Now... He is no longer by side supporting me. I totally dont feel good right now. Suffocating and my heart is so painful. I wish i could just faint and have a break for myself. I know im really weak, cant even face a little obstacle but i really feel like giving up. It happens too many times and is still like this. Im trying my best to fit into his shoe. What else can i do? Im getting more and more tired, both mentally and physically. God please safe me from suffering all these. I no longer have any bravery to face it. Please!

I always wanted to become a tough girl. And i thought im strong enough to face all problems by my own. But the inner me will never be like what i expected. Always weak and useless. I admit that i have been relying on people so much. Actually what do i really want is just a little bit of caring, im just trying to get some attention. Sometimes is not me not being supportive but try to think when im with my stuff? You did the same arent you?  You just dont understand why am i behaving like this all the time.  And you think that is because you're too busy with yourself till you neglected me. You know what, is true! How you neglected me is not because you spend more time with your business. But i will always be the last to know about it. Whenever i asked you then only you will tell. Do you know what does it mean? Im actually not that important to you.  I accept that was the truth and i realise it from the start. It starts when we talk about meeting our parents untill today...

Things never get better after i were assigned as an account executive.  At the starting point when i still dont get use to it, i deal with my own pressures that causes by own high expectation. I really hope i can do this thing well. Then, problems face with good friends. And i found that there is always no balance between work and friends, so conflict happen due to different point of view. Now we have scars and yet it was too late to fix. Until today this friendship wasnt fix even when it come to some point it got worst. Now problem face with him. I know that we will never have enough time for each other, i can blame no one but myself. Because i need to bear the responsibility of being an AE and a girlfriend. Same thing again, there is always no balance point. I will somehow sacrify one thing to get another. Now, i was trying so hard to manage my time for you. However, it happen not what i expected. I dont know whats going on with you but i really hope you dont simply trash on me. ...