Sometimes
I've told myself if i had a lil time, I would have a blogpost.
And yea, here am I, fulfill what I've promised.
Hmph~
Thinking of posting something that was meaningful, touched or memorable.
But there is something stopped me, I'm unable to do so.
Well, a lil confession again.
Being naive and stubborn this time.
Did something that is unmoral, against people's privacy.
I sincerely apologize but I know it couldn't fix things right.
As i always said, things happen and it happens.
Saw some pictures of you with you ex in your laptop.
At the moment I saw it I felt so empty.
Seriously, I don't even know why am I feeling this way.
Which is quiet weird, cause usually I'll gone crazy and start questioning you.
Maybe the differences about this time, is that I'm alone now.
Something very ridiculous,
i saw it through your lappy and yet I'm posting up my post through the same lappy.
Incident happen in less than a minute and now I'm feeling cold.
I remember I've asked you bout keeping your past in the laptop.
You did answer me that you've nothing to hide.
I've thought of getting mad or even erase your file.
But once I think deeply, I do kept my past pictures and why not you.
To be fair, no one likes to see it and so do me. I believe so do you.
I really want to question you, what was your feeling when you first saw all those pictures in my laptop?
Angry? Fear? Perhaps, you felt okay about it.
I just don't understand and feel so curious about it.
Thinking on how should I faced you later or how should I react?
Pretend like nothing happen or should i being truthful and tell you that I've saw it.
Quiet confusing now.
I'm wondering what other people would do, I know that I shouldn't be so selfish to ask him removed it.
Wondering that doesn't memories only meant to be kept in the mind and heart.
What about keeping past pictures? Are these natural?
I don't want to be cruel and mean to him again.
Cause...
I've pressured him since few months ago about pictures that he kept in his phone.
And ya, he did removed those pictures and some of it he had left, I did delete it by myself.
Scrolling back again and again for few times, just to make sure non of his past pictures exist.
So mean and unreasonable right?
Feel ashamed about myself and behaviour.
At the same time, I can barely feel the happiness between them through the pictures.
And is true that I feel abit jealous tho.
I think is quiet normal that I felt this way.
Looking on how happy they were in the picture makes me think about us.
Do we live and be together happily?
Does he feel more comfortable being with me? Or even worst?
Questions all over my mind now. Feeling depressed.
I wish i could cry out loud now so that i could feel release.
When I'm alone, I even thought of, one day he would hurt me and what will happen to me?
Seriously, I'm quiet worried that my illness will come back again.
Couldn't imagine how bad would the situation be.
The reason why I thought of it, since last month, I start acting strange and being very emotional.
Feel insecure for all the time. At first, I thought maybe is because of pressure due to the final exam.
But not really, because I don't feel secure until now.
I really hope we can find a way to solve this.
However, he just don't understand.
I really wish that he could take the first step to help me to overcome this.
Hope can stay by my side, supporting me and lend me his hand so that I can overcome it.
Pray to God that I'll be fine and hope that I can get rid of depression completely.
Hoping that I could stop being so negative.
I will try my best to make things get better and really hope I could have the ability.
"And sometimes when we touch
The honestys too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides"
And yea, here am I, fulfill what I've promised.
Hmph~
Thinking of posting something that was meaningful, touched or memorable.
But there is something stopped me, I'm unable to do so.
Well, a lil confession again.
Being naive and stubborn this time.
Did something that is unmoral, against people's privacy.
I sincerely apologize but I know it couldn't fix things right.
As i always said, things happen and it happens.
Saw some pictures of you with you ex in your laptop.
At the moment I saw it I felt so empty.
Seriously, I don't even know why am I feeling this way.
Which is quiet weird, cause usually I'll gone crazy and start questioning you.
Maybe the differences about this time, is that I'm alone now.
Something very ridiculous,
i saw it through your lappy and yet I'm posting up my post through the same lappy.
Incident happen in less than a minute and now I'm feeling cold.
I remember I've asked you bout keeping your past in the laptop.
You did answer me that you've nothing to hide.
I've thought of getting mad or even erase your file.
But once I think deeply, I do kept my past pictures and why not you.
To be fair, no one likes to see it and so do me. I believe so do you.
I really want to question you, what was your feeling when you first saw all those pictures in my laptop?
Angry? Fear? Perhaps, you felt okay about it.
I just don't understand and feel so curious about it.
Thinking on how should I faced you later or how should I react?
Pretend like nothing happen or should i being truthful and tell you that I've saw it.
Quiet confusing now.
I'm wondering what other people would do, I know that I shouldn't be so selfish to ask him removed it.
Wondering that doesn't memories only meant to be kept in the mind and heart.
What about keeping past pictures? Are these natural?
I don't want to be cruel and mean to him again.
Cause...
I've pressured him since few months ago about pictures that he kept in his phone.
And ya, he did removed those pictures and some of it he had left, I did delete it by myself.
Scrolling back again and again for few times, just to make sure non of his past pictures exist.
So mean and unreasonable right?
Feel ashamed about myself and behaviour.
At the same time, I can barely feel the happiness between them through the pictures.
And is true that I feel abit jealous tho.
I think is quiet normal that I felt this way.
Looking on how happy they were in the picture makes me think about us.
Do we live and be together happily?
Does he feel more comfortable being with me? Or even worst?
Questions all over my mind now. Feeling depressed.
I wish i could cry out loud now so that i could feel release.
When I'm alone, I even thought of, one day he would hurt me and what will happen to me?
Seriously, I'm quiet worried that my illness will come back again.
Couldn't imagine how bad would the situation be.
The reason why I thought of it, since last month, I start acting strange and being very emotional.
Feel insecure for all the time. At first, I thought maybe is because of pressure due to the final exam.
But not really, because I don't feel secure until now.
I really hope we can find a way to solve this.
However, he just don't understand.
I really wish that he could take the first step to help me to overcome this.
Hope can stay by my side, supporting me and lend me his hand so that I can overcome it.
Pray to God that I'll be fine and hope that I can get rid of depression completely.
Hoping that I could stop being so negative.
I will try my best to make things get better and really hope I could have the ability.
"And sometimes when we touch
The honestys too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides"