If you dont know me by now

If you dont know me by now, you will never never never know me~
All the things, that we've been through, you should understand me like i understand you~
__don't get too excited, i'll come home a lil late night~
Cause we only act like children, when we argue fuss and fight~
__we all got, our own funny moves, i've got mine, woman you've got yours too~

Some part of the lyrics does reflect our relationship. Is been awhile i did not visit my own blog. Thought that i could live happily without worries and anxiety. Who knows,things will never happen like what we've expected. These few days we keep on argue, eventhough it starts from a small matter but it will eventually become serious matter. Well, ive been questioning myself for sometimes. Does it happen because of me? Am i the one who cause all these things to happen? Whats wrong with me?! I totally feel so lost about myself, i dont even know, what do i really want. Something is going wrong with me. However, sometimes he dont understand. He would question me until he find out the answer, but he dont even know how hard for me to explain myself when i dont even know what is going on with me. Sometimes i really needs time to think but he will chasing after me for the answer. It makes my brain totally stuck and i cant think of anything rational. These days with my actions and words, i knew that ive hurt him real deep. At the same time, it does hurt myself. My heart become colder everytime we argue. Ask me whether ive thought of giving up our relationship. Speaking from the bottom of my heart, yes, i did. Not because i dont love him anymore but i believe that he deserve better. When you love a person, you wish that you could give the best for him. This is what i was trying to mean. He was right, i wasnt trying my best. I didnt change because of him. Not because i dont but... He will never understand. For once, he told me that i had a very high self-esteem. And that was the reason why i wouldnt apologise. Eventhough i know i was wrong but sometimes i just couldnt speak out because of guilty. I know even by apologise, things that happen, had happen. Nothing gonna fixed it, unless we seek out for the main problem from the starting. This is what im trying to explain all the time, but no one could understand. Ive doubt, that do we truly understand each other? Well, my brain is freeze again. Couldnt think of anything now. I believe, everything happen for a reason. So all i can do is let it be. I would still hold strong for our relationship only till the day i could still survive. 

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