I hope that I would have the courage to choose again. Is hard to leave your comfort zone especially when it comes to human relations. But I hope I could walk out from this fantasy and started to look for my happiness. Every woman dreams to get marry to their Mr Right and who doesn't want it, right? Like I said I seriously need a change and move forward to look for my own life. Sometimes is difficult to live without a lime light, you're not exposed but hidden. What's worst when you have to deal with all kinds of rumours and comments. On the other hand dealing with your own jealousy and anger. Just to treat myself fairly, I seriously don't think I deserve all this. Why do I make myself feel like a mistress when I'm not. Why do people can just enjoy being each other lovers, bestfriends, soulmates and I can't? As an ordinary woman who does want to be loved and protected? I didn't ask for any status for all the while not too sure I've done it righ...
It was a cold night after all. I am figuring what is the exact problem that I have for all this while. Am I being selfish, too straight forward or I'm simply being stupid? I doesn't really like the feeling when we have an intense argument and later on he is just being sweet and nice, hugging or kissing me. I felt cold at that moment. Sometimes woman is just being weird, and I myself being as an ordinary woman, I feel the same. We can't be treated good. I know if I were to return with a hug or kiss to him, things will just eventually gets better. But I doesn't have the urge to do so, simply because I am being too hard maybe. Let's face the fact that no one could instantly forgive and forget on those harsh words spilling on you, especially when the argument just happend a few hours ago. He made a judgement that I have attitude problems and also saying that he is on my ex-boyfriend shoes now. Eventhough this might be true, I am being ego & self oriented, no ...
This morning so tired de,don't feel like going to school but at last wake up also.. DAMN TIRED! When after the assembly,suddenly the discipline teacher stop me..that is because yesterday i never stay back for the extra class..TT what the hell! early in the morning jiu kena already..i told the teacher that I'm not going to attend any single of Malay and English class,and i told him that i will get a letter from my parents..but is useless,he say that letter he will accept but this time i still have to be punished.. OMG! Again and again!! Pn.Hela (the women) again! She cane me with a very thick cane on my hand..that feeling was, SO PAIN! Why me again? I don't want to enter the discipline room anymore! And i don't want to be punished again! TT Today also very less study,no teacher coming in..straight away 4period without teacher.What is all the teacher doing?? They really got so busy mie?? Damn lazy de..two days more is Yi Wa and Joely birthday already..going to celeb...