JACKLYN ♥ ORIGIN~

Miss the moment when we're about together. How we tease each other and how you tolerate me. But i know that there is no turning back. We both busy with our life and stuffs, never had enough time for each other. That causes us neglected our feeling sometimes. I knew that it will never be the same as before. Not gonna experience the same feeling like previously, how you were used to be, so lovely to me. I know that you love me, i appreciate everytime you wisper in my ear when i was asleep. I love the feeling when you questioned me do i love you. I felt much pampered. Seriously, i was hoping so much for a time just both of us spending the whole day being together like an ordinary couple. No business, no assignments, no jobs and no worries. But i will never know when the day will come. How good if both of us are still vulnarable and naive, nothing to consider. Then our love would grew stronger as we are. Rather than maintain being weak and surfaced when we are both strong and aggressiv...

At the end, i sacrify myself.  But i really cant stand all this pain anymore. How can i really share with?? Im very very tired already! I cant continue this anymore! Im being so fake and sacarstic!  I just hate myself being like this! Why is it always me?! Why am always the one who please everyone?! Why should have to understand him? Then who would understand and care about my feeling? Why am i so dumb?! Why should i sacrify my emotion just to save my relationship?  Can i just give up? Why always me? Why cant he listen to me and understand my feeling? I really want to shout out loud now! I feel like wanna explode now!!!! I wanna give up so badly!

I know this is very important in every single relationship.  Im trying now, i dunno whether i can make it. I swear i will try.  But my heart dont feel good at all. Crying for day and night just because of this. I seriously got so tired! I wish to have a break. Im such a failure, not good in multitasking. Pressure from every where.  Now... He is no longer by side supporting me. I totally dont feel good right now. Suffocating and my heart is so painful. I wish i could just faint and have a break for myself. I know im really weak, cant even face a little obstacle but i really feel like giving up. It happens too many times and is still like this. Im trying my best to fit into his shoe. What else can i do? Im getting more and more tired, both mentally and physically. God please safe me from suffering all these. I no longer have any bravery to face it. Please!

I always wanted to become a tough girl. And i thought im strong enough to face all problems by my own. But the inner me will never be like what i expected. Always weak and useless. I admit that i have been relying on people so much. Actually what do i really want is just a little bit of caring, im just trying to get some attention. Sometimes is not me not being supportive but try to think when im with my stuff? You did the same arent you?  You just dont understand why am i behaving like this all the time.  And you think that is because you're too busy with yourself till you neglected me. You know what, is true! How you neglected me is not because you spend more time with your business. But i will always be the last to know about it. Whenever i asked you then only you will tell. Do you know what does it mean? Im actually not that important to you.  I accept that was the truth and i realise it from the start. It starts when we talk about meeting our parents untill today...

Things never get better after i were assigned as an account executive.  At the starting point when i still dont get use to it, i deal with my own pressures that causes by own high expectation. I really hope i can do this thing well. Then, problems face with good friends. And i found that there is always no balance between work and friends, so conflict happen due to different point of view. Now we have scars and yet it was too late to fix. Until today this friendship wasnt fix even when it come to some point it got worst. Now problem face with him. I know that we will never have enough time for each other, i can blame no one but myself. Because i need to bear the responsibility of being an AE and a girlfriend. Same thing again, there is always no balance point. I will somehow sacrify one thing to get another. Now, i was trying so hard to manage my time for you. However, it happen not what i expected. I dont know whats going on with you but i really hope you dont simply trash on me. ...

After cold war for almost a week. After when he thinks that he is sufferin all these while. I take my step forward to admit my fault. But things doesnt seems right. For once ive told myself that i hate myself so much. Even thought of ending my life because i cant stand with all these pressures and problems. Tears falling for my eyes every night, tonight is not exceptional. Is my own fault, by hoping so much from him. Always expecting more than what he could gave me.  Ended up torturing myself. When we are just able to let go our problems and here comes another. He had no time for me but i was hoping he could actually spend time with me. He is much busier than i can thought. My life is so plain and dull as compare to him. I could never blame anyone for not having a fantastic life. But i would thought of having a happier life, filling up by him. I was too naive. I wonder how much he has arrange his time so difficult to find a day for my slot. Am i being a burden for him and stopping ...

I've told myself if i had a lil time, I would have a blogpost. And yea, here am I, fulfill what I've promised. Hmph~ Thinking of posting something that was meaningful, touched or memorable. But there is something stopped me, I'm unable to do so. Well, a lil confession again. Being naive and stubborn this time. Did something that is unmoral, against people's privacy. I sincerely apologize but I know it couldn't fix things right. As i always said, things happen and it happens. Saw some pictures of you with you ex in your laptop. At the moment I saw it I felt so empty. Seriously, I don't even know why am I feeling this way. Which is quiet weird, cause usually I'll gone crazy and start questioning you. Maybe the differences about this time, is that I'm alone now. Something very ridiculous, i saw it through your lappy and yet I'm posting up my post through the same lappy. Incident happen in  less than a minute and now I'm feeling cold...